Monday, May 14, 2007

星期一,晴天

好久没有志聪的消息了。今天,正当大奶彬和我在宿舍里一起看电视吃午餐时,接到了志聪传的一则简讯。他问我还好吗,还说如果心情不好,可以找他倾诉。看了他的SMS,我立刻问大奶彬:“喂!你是不是把我的事情全告诉志聪了?”

大奶彬慌忙回答:“没有!我没告诉他你的事情!上个星期五,我找不到你,就打电话去问志聪有没有和你联络。他听了我的问题,好像很担心你,一直问我你怎么了。我只是说,你那天心情不好。然后,为了不要让他太担心,我说可能你的手机没电,或者你睡着了,所以才没接我的电话。”

幸好大奶彬没把我的事告诉志聪。我不想让志聪有任何新的希望,不想他认为现在失恋的我会接受他,因而对我展开追求攻势。不过,听了大奶彬的解释,我也很想知道当大奶彬问Ah Toot有没有我的消息时,他的反应是怎样的。

“你…那天也问了Ah Toot,对吗?他…有什么反应?”

大奶彬犹豫了一下,吞吞吐吐地说:“呃…他…他只是说,自从和你吃午餐之后,就没有再和你联络了。这样而已咯。”

芬:“他…没有像志聪那样,很担心我?”

彬:“呃…我们没时间聊别的。因为…因为…”

芬:“因为什么?”

彬:“因为,他回答了我的问题后,我就听见他身旁的一个人催他快点放电话。”

芬:“哦。是个女生吧。”

彬:“哎呀!只是一个女孩子的声音嘛!不代表什么啦!可能,他和一大群人在一起咧?”

这时,我感觉到一阵强烈的心痛。想象着欣仪一面拉着Ah Toot的手,一面催他放下电话的样子。

彬:“喂?Hello hello?”

芬:“你听到的那位女孩子,应该是Ah Toot的女朋友吧。她的名字叫欣仪。”

大奶彬听了我的话,很惊讶,目瞪口呆地望着我,不知道该说什么。

芬:“哎呀。我没事啦。早就知道了嘛。”

我尽量若无其事地走到冬冬的笼子前,打开他的干粮包装袋,开始为他添一些食物。心,还是很酸,很痛。眼睛开始感觉热热的,视线渐渐被泪水遮盖,变得模糊。

今天之前,我以为我已经好多了。但,今天,我又哭了。

51 comments:

Anonymous said...

hmm im the 1st :D:D:D:D:D

anyway .. recovery stage is the worst stage... it's always hard to carry on in life when you have done something that made u regret... so slowly ba.. time heals.. just how long

Anonymous said...

i know how you feel, i oso break up with my bf leh so is quiet sad, don't know if we can pach up or not, but now i only know that we are friends

♥NeVerEnDiNg♥ said...

DTF, i can understand how u feel.. but dun ever give up okay? life still goes on even if u feel down. the erath is still spinning..
i believed one day we will be able to see u as happy as the past!

will be waiting for the cheerful u! ^^

Anonymous said...

dun worry. time might not be able to solve all ur problems.

but with time, you will understand and accept. and then start all over again. :)

take care

Anonymous said...

JIA U DTF! look forward and overcome all things!

Anonymous said...

I think DTF should tell ah toot how she feel... and c if ah toot gt any reaction... if yes, mayb give him some time... cos ah toot wait for DTF 5 years, and at this time a girl treat him good so he will tend to be touched when someone care abt him.
hope that peifen will give us a beautiful ending between ah toot and DTF..hehehe

Anonymous said...

要忍耐!渐渐地把他带给你痛忘掉,只留下最完美的一切。直到有一天,当你想起他,想起你和他美丽的回忆,心里没有痛痛的感觉,泪也不再流下时,恭喜你,你成功了。大头芬要加油哦!

Anonymous said...

DTF, dun cry le ok? sometimes r/s is juz like tat. mayb passing thru this will make u become a stronger person. of coz, definitely no one will like to experience such stuffs. but since now u met it, face & get over it. it takes time to heal all wounds, esp fall out of love or break up. r/s isn't easy to maintain, esp when aft break up. though become gd fren le, there will b still some feelings there. no matter wat decision u made, i'll always support u de. dtf.. jia you! *hugiez*

Anonymous said...

it sometimes really hurt a lot when u imagine the one u like being with someone else. while they are enjoying the happiness, u on the other hand had to suffer in misery. i dun think telling ah toot wat dtf feel will change anything , after all once a guy changes his heart, he'll never come back.so dtf be strong k , must prove to ah toot u can survive well without him.

Anonymous said...

我觉得。。。。要让ah toot知道大头芬的心还有他的吧。。。虽然有点自作自受。。。。但是我还是希望大头芬会跟ah toot说出他心中的感觉。。。感觉上ah toot好像不是很喜欢那个女生。。。。也许他只是空虚才会跟他在一起的吧。。。。虽然不知道接下来会是怎样的剧情,但是还是希望大头芬可以振作起来,加油^^

Anonymous said...

DTF.. ever consider telling Ah Toot how you feel? If not.. think it's best to get rid of the GIFT!Or give it to him... and get over him... it's not easy.. I know, but somehow you have to get a closure.. Think about it.. Take care..life is short...

Fridayrean said...

DTF, don't cry. I think Ah-toot do care about you when Bin called to ask him if he saw you. He's ah-toot mah so his reaction will also toot toot and slow. So before he can form his question and ask bin further, xinyi interrupped. I think you should at least let ah TooT knows of your tots so that you would not regret not telling him at all (Maybe you be feel better after confessing to him your love for him). whether he choose you or xinyi, it up to him to decide. Throw the thinking cap to Ah-toot ba.

I used to have a pet drawf hamster (named Yibe)who died in sleep at the age of 2.5 year old. Very cute and naughty and she like to climb the cage bars and walk horizontally accross while holding onto the bars with her small paws, hence gained the nickname "spider-hami'. How's Dong dong? Wish Dong Dong grow up healthy. Cheers
Jia You, DTF!!

ssmkj リムユーティン said...

大头芬, we all understand hw u feels. But, 要坚强 & 要加油哦!!!!

Anonymous said...

haiyo, why ah toot like this... Abit sad lor...

I feel even if there's ppl asking him to put down the phone quickly, he should be calling back to DNB after that to ask something mah..

If ah toot has no more feelings for DTF, there still be friendship ba... Don't he get worry for his friends??

Hais... DTF, jia you...

Anonymous said...

Erm, 我有点为Ah Toot难过耶。 同时, 我也有点气Ah Toot。

难过的是, 就在他等待5年的“爱情”要开花结果的时候, 他不等了。 也放弃了。 我想万一有一天他知道了自己等待了5年的“爱情”即将要得到回应的时候, 他又放弃了, 他一定会很后悔。

生气的是, 他就算结束了和大头芬的感情, 为什么连朋友之间的友情也一起放弃呢?? 难道Ah Toot是那么容易结束友情的一个人吗??

*PS: peifen, give DTF a nice ending okay... even if she will not be with ah toot... =)

Anonymous said...

慢慢来吧。。。

Anonymous said...

Peifen.

BLOGGER NOW GOT POSTING PROBLEMS LEH. HOW YOU MANAGED TO POST YOUR ENTRIES?

Anyone can help?

Anonymous said...

*hugz* no cry DTF... I agree with what Godzilla has said... Get Rid of the gift that you have bought for ah toot..

I think giving him the gift is the best way... no need to especially tell him that you like him.. just tell him that you planned to give him this that lunch but forget all abt it... be nonchalent abt it...

Its always good to cry... cry for like 3 weeks and you will be fine.. but of coz one thing is that you cannot always blame yourself la.. or it might be a little harder to get over it..

i believe you can do this DTF... jia you jia you...

H@z3L^^

Ivy0901 said...

其实也不能怪ah toot,他也没有想到自己五年的等待即将有回报。爱情世界总是充满了变数,所以别为了考验爱情而去考验爱情。有时,爱情是经不起考验的。

*** *** ***

能理解DTF的心情,要忘记一个人不容易。无时无刻会想着对方,想知道自己在对方心理还有没有位置。

*** *** ***

欣仪为什么催着ah toot放电话呢?如果连让男友讲电话的自由都没有的话,那么这段感情很难维持哦。

Anonymous said...

i guess ah t00t is pretendin9 n0t t0 care abt DTF..

h0pe DTF pass the gift t0 ah t00t.. ly wad anonymous say..

hmmm DTF jia you..

Anonymous said...

so sad

Anonymous said...

I wonder why is it so difficult to find a girlfriend that fulfils my criteria?

My criteria is very simple- not based on looks or figures but on inner beauty!

So far, 5 have failed!

While it is true that looks and figures are considered ‘bonuses’, they are not the decisive factors! Inner beauty is considered the basic fundamental!

The story is about the love between a girl and an angel. Afraid that the angel might fall in love with another girl and thus leave her. The girl wakes up at night and hides his pair of wings. When the angel wakes up in the morning, he was very angry with the girl. He managed to find his wings and leave the girl. The ending is of course a happy one as in all fairy tales!

To me, this story is a thought- provoking one. Afraid that the angel might leave her, the girl hides his pair of wings. Without the wings, the angel will not be able to fly away but he can still walk away because he still has a pair of legs! Then is the girl going to take away his pair of legs? Without his legs, the angel can still escape! He can crawl on the ground using his pair of hands! Then is the girl going to chop off his arms as well? If the girl really did that, well, the angel will be hers for life! Why?

It is because the angel will die of excessive bleeding!

In fact, out of the 5 who failed, one of them (who go by the initials KK and the name _elly _ong) was not bad-looking and has a figure that is not too bad either, but unfortunately, she has an ugly heart!

It doesn’t matter whether you are driving a sports car or a saloon car, because when you are stuck in a traffic jam, it became a stationary car!

It doesn’t matter whether the girl has good looks and nice figure, because when she has an ugly heart, it is an outright failure!

Beside her, another two people were involved in this matter. They are the two ATs.

The first one (who goes by the initials AT and the name _deline _an) plays the role of supporter.

The second one (who goes by the initials AT or KH and the name _ndy _an) plays the role of supporter and instigator. He actively stir up the sentiments of the abovementioned person (who go by the initials KK and the name _elly _ong), agitating the person to take drastic actions, effectively using the person as a tool to achieve his own selfish aims.

While a person could spend a lifetime with the person of his/her desire, he/she can’t spend a lifetime with a wild beast! Even if you are both registered with ROM and applied for a HDB flat, you should do the right thing and forfeit the deposit for the flat rather than choosing to spend a lifetime with a wild beast!

As for the wild beast, he will no doubt suffer a double loss!

What do you call that?

Pei Le Fu Ren You Zhe Pin!

Lose the Lady and the soldiers!

Everyoung said...

I know how DTF feel, becos I ever break up with my bf and it take me very very long time to heal

Anonymous said...

*sayang DTF*

Guess everyone feels that way when we fall out of love.

Love hurts but can be sweet in other ways. We may not see the whole truth yet and who knows maybe we will still end up with the one we really love one day.

MashiMaro (^^V)

June said...

终于有剧情发展,好高兴:D
DTF gambatte! ^_^

Anonymous said...

此时泪水也干了, 眼角湿湿的只剩下点点痕迹,素白的青瓷被爱人捧高了,再使劲地往下率,一块块,一片片地碎了一地. 那种感觉, 叫心碎...

大头芬,加油!

Anonymous said...

DTF, You can do it.
I know it is hard because what you are going through now is also what I am going through now, but you can do it.
Although it is very painful, do not give up.
At least Ah TooT and you are still friends, unlike me and him...
JIA YOU! >.<
You can get over Ah Toot, DTF.
:)

Anonymous said...

Zhi Cong really have no chance at all?

卫斯理 said...

很高兴大头芬知道自己不该给志聪任何false hopes。毕竟人在脆弱时特别容易做错决定。内心所受的伤,不像外伤一样,敷一敷药,过些时间就一定会痊愈。连我自己都不知道自己的伤会不会好起来。但是,伤口虽然还没愈合,大头芬妳已经好不少了。日子还是要好好的过,因为妳还有妳的父母,朋友和冬冬啊。要相信,相信幸福就在不远处。

bittergourd said...

DTF:

Aiyah, seeing u cry again made me so confused. Thought that you are already on the path to recovery, but the mentioning of Zhicong inevitalbly leads to Ah toot being mentioned again. Don't cry too much okay, no point crying, Ah toot don't even know that you are crying,you only suffer in silence. Why made yourself so sad, must look on the bright side. There are many people who are concerned about you, must live well for them to see. Of course, it is easy for me to say, but I believe that once you focus on other things, you will not think about the sadness anymore. Hope that you will not be so sad anymore, think of dong dong, how adorable he is, think of your holidays, getting a part time job may help.

Peifen:

As expected, another sad entry. Hope that you can have happy and sad entries throughout the week, so there is a balance. There have been once when every entry is so sad, it is kinda sian. I hope that you can focus on DTF's holiday happenings, instead of Ah toot, Zhicong, it is getting a bit draggy. In my opinion, I prefer happier and more positive entries. I know that there are lots of readers who are keen on complex relationships. So it is up to you to decide. Sorry for saying all these.

Anonymous said...

Da tou fen de shi jie can extend ma?? very short

Anonymous said...

DTF to BIAO BAI!!! biao bai to ah toot. and pls dun end this story. i always read this when i'm in office. how i hope every weekday DTF write her diary!

Anonymous said...

記得哪時候他告述我他們在一起之后
很長的一段時間都沒有再打電話給他了

有一次打電話給他的時候,竟然是他的女朋友接的電話,不論怎么樣都不肯把電話交給他聽,說有什么事情告訴她就好,她會轉告的

從此,大概有半年的時間都沒有打給他了

所以我想,會不會是在同樣的情況下讓Ah Toot也沒機會進一步的去繼續關心小芬呢?

送給小芬F.I.R.的Lydia
當初也是靠這首歌讓我渡過了哪段日子
加油,愛總會再另一個地方等待你的

lydia 迷离的眼眶 为何流浪 心碎的海洋

受了伤 连微笑都彷徨 gypsin女郎 为谁而唱

你会看见雾 看见云 看见太阳 纪念和大地 重复着悲伤

他走了带不走 你的天堂 风干后会留下 彩虹泪光 他走了你可以 把梦留下 总会有个地方 等待爱飞翔

lydia 幸福不在远方 开一扇窗 许下愿望

你会感受爱 感受恨 感受原谅 生命总不会只充满悲伤

Anonymous said...

I'm getting married next year. But before that I experienced almost the same thing as you, DTF.

Guess what? He is not my hubby-to-be. Slowly things changed when you are exposed to a bigger environment, so just relax and enjoy every moment. At least you have friends around to support you. :)

However, in my pt. of view, you should at least talk things out with Ah Toot. You must make sure you have no regrets.

GiGi Shuping said...

If I'm DTF, I sure cry for days, weeks... Heart pain. Prepared a special gift already, but can't give out liao. Just 1,2 weeks LATE oni! Just ALITTLE late only. But still considered late loh. Haiz... It's like finally u thot u found someone whom u love so much, n thot he love u alot... n tt's it. Not like a "happily ever after" story in fairytales...

The best way to make DTF feel better, is simply just FoRgeT him. Try not meeting Ah Toot for long time 1st... til one day u feel tt u have let go. Of cos, if you really love Ah Toot, u also wan him happy mah... rite? Just as he always DID for u.

But anyway just remember, DTF, if u found ur true love again, maybe ZhiCong or maybe Ah Toot (who noes?!), dun lose tt chance again!

Anonymous said...

DTF,

i know how you feel.. cos last time when i want to declare my feelings to the guy i like, he told me he's in love with another gal.. my heart is shattered.. so dun feel sad, life still goes on.. who knows you might find a better guy..

Anonymous said...

Hi Dtf!I know you are very sad and know you can't forget ah toot.Just ask yourself how much u really love ah toot.If you really love him tot he core,you should tell ah toot u still love him alot or try to win his heart back,i can senes ah toot still love you,but you cannot blame ah toot.He really "fu chu" alot but in the end,u both break up and he keep on waiting for you,treat u very well,very patient and also know how to humour u in order not to stress or make u unhappy.But u really did nothing for him,feel very sad for him.Last choice is to forget him totally,it is hard and thought but better then suffering or feeling unhappy.Dtf u really have to make one of this decision.I really hope u can meet ah toot to let him know your true feeling & what u want to tell him.Good luck and best wishes to u.Jia you Dtf!

Anonymous said...

Hi I heard that there is a Ah Toot blog too. Anyone know what's the website? Heehee

Anonymous said...

Nan Ren MaH.. whole street oso have! dun give up the forest just for one single tree yeah~ Wo Ting Ni Dao Di DTF !!

Evil Care Bear said...

DTF - I'm able to understand how you feel. It's sad yah. I once heard this "No matter how painful it could be, Time would heal it"

I still hope that DTF & Ah Toot would be together eventually. This is what most of your supporters would want as well. Looking forward to hearing that :)

Cheerios!

AH Toot said...

Hi Pei Fen, not being here for a while. my granny pass away last week, feel low lately. anyway, surprise us again sometime, ok. keep up the nice story, always backing you up.

♥NeVerEnDiNg♥ said...

Tassie翹班中! so sweet of u to give DTF a song from F.I.R =))

lemontree said...

伤心,总是难免的。时间能让你过得更好。有时,不能得到的,不一定好,也许失去了,你们才会更珍惜彼此。塞翁失马,焉知非福。希望将来,你能遇到更好的。

Anonymous said...

It is like that one lar... At the start u will feel like it is the end of the world when u think abt the thing but as times goes by ur feelings for the person will fade away slowly then it will be gone.
First love is longer one so just bare with it...

Anonymous said...

Hey DTF ! Must take care leh ! There are other guys too .. =)

Anonymous said...

Answer for Monday 16/05/2007:
因为 Ah Toot 不见了他的手机,也不记得大头芬和大奶彬的电话号码。

Anonymous said...

To lim,
dun u think that song is nice?? i heal my heart while listen that song for 3 full day....so hope DTF would go pass this stage too...

Anonymous said...

jyjy^^

Anonymous said...

DTF, hearing your story, I suddenly recall my incident with my ex bf. But mine was worst, there was a 3rd party.. sob sob.. Thus i can truly understand how much you have gone through.I met my new bf years after. And I am glad to know him. Always believe that it's just a passing phrase in life. The worst will be pass... Good time will come. Think optimistically.

Ah toot should have waited a bit longer ma.. DTF, go on with life ba... in life there is so much love around you, not only BGR. Your parents will be very sad to see you in this state wor..

Anonymous said...

I felt Ah toot also not really love DTF so much... keeping the photo doesn't mean everything ma... If he does, how can he simply forget the number?!
So DTF, Don't feel bad nor regret ok? must study hard now...

Anonymous said...

i agree with dtf..last time i always thought i was better but after a while when u tink back to the person u love and u break up le u will suddenly cry de..peifen i tink u're really good! even this kind of small details u also tk note..